2010~

Time flies, two more days and there goes 2010.

Reflection has not been done, as I am too lazy to do so. But I would say 2010 is a year full of blessing and a year of challenges, sweat, blood and tears. Just to list a few:

1) I had a few *minor* car accidents, causing my dad to spend a bomb in fixing my car.
2) I had a few minor/ major breakdown as I couldn't handle my emotion well.
3) I had a lot of blur moments as this is my first official year of work.
4) I had a few strands of white hairs as I am getting older.
5) I have my first long term relationship (more than a year).
6) I have finally upgraded to a professional shopaholic.
7) I had more than 250 cups of coffee.
8) I had more than a dozen of beer.
9) I had spent a lot of time procrastinating.
10) I have finally cut my hair short and dyed.

Regardless, I have to thank God for all the blessing, for keeping all of us safe, happy and healthy. 2011 will be another year of challenge, sweat, blood and tears. I can almost guarantee that. But hopefully it will be another fruitful year.

Wishing all of you Happy 2011.

Cancer~

Cancer is a terrible disease.

I've seen many people, either they are my friends' relatives, or some random patients I met in the hospital, cancer is indeed a very horrifying disease. It doesn't kill you immediately, but letting you dying in a slow process, which you know that there is practically no cure when you are detected at late stage.

Mom's medical report was out. Doctor said that she has a cyst at her right kidney, 55mm. Another cyst at her right ovary, 35mm. Left ovary was undetected (as in cannot detect the organ), which I don't understand why.

Doctor said for the time being the cysts are harmless. Round, well-defined and are relatively small size. But she needs to do check-up regularly to monitor her cysts. I am worried. Being in the oncology field for only a year but the knowledge regarding to this disease and the experiences I have with the cancer patients, I become more paranoid than ever.

Cancer cells are changing every minute, now they are benign but we don't know when they will cross the *barrier* and become cancerous. I told my mom to monitor her check-up closely, at least every 3 months she has to do her check-up, just to be safe.

As for me, I recently took pills that will fluctuate my hormone level like roller coaster. Already I feel the tenderness of my breast and the slight pinching pain of my left breast. I know taking the pills is unavoidable, but this is the last time, I don't wanna take it again. Bear in mind hormones play an important role in driving cancer.

If you said I am a super paranoid I will not deny. I am so scared of dying. Thats what my heart is telling me now.

Hate~

I hate her.

Although I have forgiven, but I can't forget what happened.
When is this gonna stop?

Thanks~

Once a doctor shared with me about his experiences of God.

He said he never personally believe in the existence of God, but somehow he sees how his patients changed in terms of believes when they were diagnosed with cancer. People who do not believe in God, now turn to be a faithful believer. People who believed in God, turn to point their fingers to God and question the unfairness. All sorta people, but all we talk about is God.

Do I believe in God? Yes I do. Honestly I did see how people change when they started believe in God. God to me is not someone with supernatural power who can give us whatever we wish for. But he/ she gives us the energy, the strength and the courage to look for what we want. A wise person once told me this, God creates problems, but at the same time provide solutions. It is through this seeking and problem solving processes that we are able to grow, become stronger and better.

I do, believe in God. For today what I have achieved, besides the people around me who really help me a lot, I would like to send my gratitude to God, thanks for all the blessing. And with this, I will work harder towards my goal. Thank YOU.

Hook or Crook~

9 more days to go,

300k more to do.

By hook or by crook,

Just got to make it happen.



*Go baby go!*

My sister~

Surprise once again.

Didn't know my sis has a blog, until this very moment.
Briefly went through her blog, and I saw maturity.
Once I thought she is just a small kid,
But didn't know she has matured and grown up.
I have been too caught up with myself.
Trapped in my own world,
Until I forgot to care for the people around me.

In one of her posts she mentioned about mom,
I don't even know that she has been through some hard times.
Ignorant? Maybe I am too obsessed with myself.
Enlarge my own problems and I don't see others.

Sad. I feel useless.
My sis has grown up.
Somehow when I read her blog, I feel that she is more mature than me.
Who said maturity is proportional to age?

What happen to me?
Sobs.

Surprise!

Change is the constant of life.
Uncertainty is the foundation.
Stability does not mean absolute,
It only means higher predictability.

Time to get rid of credit cards,
Apply a debit card instead.
Spend money that we have,
Not the future money.

Because future is unpredictable.
Because life is full of surprises,
And shock!

Deal with it.
Bear with it.