当压力成为赢家时~

上天对我，其实已经算不话的。

从小到大我都衣食无忧，担心的只是如何考好成绩；担心的只是别人对我的看法；担心的只是一些无谓的小事，谁谁谁喜欢谁，谁谁谁暗恋谁，等等无谓的琐碎事情。出此之外，我可算是一位很幸运的人。

直到我开始工作，我才开始发现这个世界的另外一面，现实的一面，残酷的一面。我渐渐发现原来离开了父母的怀抱，一切都变得很困难。以前以为自己很厉害，到了现实社会才发现原来自己不过如此。

不是说上天已不再眷恋我，而是现在很多时候我都得付出双倍的努力来换取想得到的结果，有时候甚至付出了也未必会有成果。以前是个理想主义者，现在是个现实主义者。

我渐渐发现，其实我很多时候都不如人。很多时候感觉很沮丧，很多时候觉得自己很失败。很多人跟我说压力是自己给自己的。当初我很勇敢的说，压力是我的推动力。但当压力成为赢家时，我就像跌进山谷里的羊，怎么爬也爬不起来。

你们说，我该这么办？

Fork~

I'm at the fork of the road now. Too many things on my plate and I lost control of how to control them. Too many things to consider, and too many things in mind. I stopped asking opinions because that's how other people feel, and they may not be how I feel. I don't want to get myself more confused with the already confusing situation.

I keep asking myself. Am I willing to take the risk? In fact every decision has its risk. Either way I will certainly be facing some regretful moments, thinking of "I should have done this and that". There is no perfect decision, and there is no ideal solution. Either way I will have to sacrifice something, and to be responsible with my decision.

Argh! Lets take a deep sleep and think about it tomorrow again.

P/S: Sometimes it is good to clarify, rather than to keep in the heart and keep thinking why. I hope she will find her answer. I'm happy for you my friend. You've changed so much to becoming a better woman. =)

Decision

Sometimes l get myself confused by asking too many opinions. To the extent that other people's opinions have flooded my mind and heart and I can't hear the voice in my heart.

This time around I am just going to forget about how other people think and listen to myself.

Had a quiet moment for myself and I think I have made up my mind. The rest I will just leave it to God. If it is yours it will be yours.

Good night to myself. =)

La La La~

*La La La La La La, Sing a happy song...*

I wonder if all girls do the same, but I definitely is one of them.
I spend 25 minutes in the bathroom reflecting and thinking, then I spend another 2 minutes to shower. Hahaha~ and today I sorta understand myself a little bit more.

I like myself the most when I first joined the company.
That time I know nothing but I am fear of nothing too. =)

When you have no money~

Yesterday I forgot to bring my wallet out, and while on the way home after gym, I only left RM5 with me, the balance of the money I loaned from my colleagues. The traffic was bad, my tummy is growling, and I was thinking maybe I can stop by the drive thru along the highway to get myself some fast food snack, maybe a box of nuggets or so.

So I stopped by and briefly glanced through the menu. The talking machine is asking me for order but after hesitating for a while, I said sorry and went away. The nuggets itself cost RM6, before tax. I can just sigh and make my way home.

Nowadays things have been getting so expensive or our currency is getting smaller?

Unconditional Love?

What is unconditional love?

Besides my parents, I haven't seen any.

Sigh~

Sigh.

I don't know what to say, but no point crying over spoilt milk.
Better get motivated and start thinking of solutions.
Don't give up Joeanne!

Positioning~

When I was talking to a breast surgeon today, he shared with me his experience of my drug, and also my competitor's drug.

He said he has a patient recently who came in as stage 4 breast cancer patient Very severe, he said he once thought it was a "no hope" patient. He referred the patient to an oncologist and together they started treating her with chemotherapy as well as my drug - Hxx.

He said after sometimes patient progressed from the disease. Hxx at that point of time did not seem to help her in controlling the disease in spreading further. Then the oncologist proceed on next line of treatment, to use Txx, which is indicated for 2nd line treatment after progression of Hxx.

Luckily for the patient, Txx seems to work on her. She seems to tolerate well with the drug and now she is doing okay, at least not as ill as before. The breast surgeon said he is convinced. I mean, totally convinced.

As a sales person who is selling Hxx, by right I should defend for my drug, probably list down 101 reasons why Hxx may not work. But I didn't, I look at the surgeon and nodded. I am glad that the patient has found a drug that can help her, and I believe regardless of how competitive the market is, every drug has its role, and has its positioning in the market, especially in the oncology market.

Txx is indicated to use after Hxx in HER2+ advanced breast cancer who spread to other sites and organs. I think the oncologist has made the right decision, and I guess this will be the future direction of pharmaceutical sales. We market and promote our products based on positioning. Every drug has it roles at different stages of the disease, and we are here to save patients lives, not to take them away for the sake of our sales.

P/S: This is just my opinion. If you do not agree, just have a good laugh and forget about it. Cheers!

End Points~

Sometimes I wonder, in the world of medicinal research when treating cancer is concern, which endpoint is more important?

Progression Free Survival (PFS) means how long can a patient survive without the cancer getting worst. Overall survival (OS) means how long can a patient survive before the patient dies of the cancer, or dies of disease complications.

I've come about this issues quite many times, when the professionals often asked, "Do you think your drug works, when it only shows a fairly good enough PFS but not OS?". Ultimately we are talking about prolonging the lives of the patient.

Yes I agree. Ultimately we are talking about prolonging the lives of cancer patients. To me I guess both endpoints are appropriate, and whether PFS is better or OS, I guess it is also depending on the prognosis of the disease type itself.

For example, a patient is diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, which comparatively have a better life span as compared to a patient who is diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. For cases where patients can potentially live longer with the disease, PFS is more important to testify the efficacy of the drug, because chances are, patients would have many lines of treatment in the future.

How long a patient can survive is no longer just confined to one type of treatment, or one type of drugs. With the advancement in oncology, patients are now able to live longer with better drugs, and live longer to undergo many lines of treatment, and thus overall survival may not be relevant to see how effective is a particular drug.

But for disease which progresses very rapidly, OS is a good endpoint because chances of patients living long enough for many lines of treatment are low, and thus OS is a good indicator of how effective is the drug given.

I am not a professional to say whether what I said is absolutely correct or wrong. But to certain extent, when a patient comes to a see a doctor with advanced diseases, we know that prolonging survival is ideal, but providing a better quality of life to the patient is also of ultimate importance. And I believe, my drug can certainly achieve this.

Pray for all the surviving patients out there, and hope one day more patients can get access to good drugs. =)

I Eat the Shit I threw~

Opportunities knocked on my door,
Just that I happily let them go.
Thought that others will come soon.
In the end I know this is not true,
If Karma is ever true,
Then I deserve to eat the shit I threw.

P/S: 活该!