Opportunity~

A lot of time in life, when you miss the opportunity then thats it.


How many times have you missed an opportunity?

&

Why we missed these opportunities?

Dream~

When I was younger, I mean REALLY younger, I dreamed of becoming a tailor, with a small little shop, in the time of war.

I imagined myself being the diligent tailor, helping others to sew and make new clothing and at the same time earn a living. I imagined myself falling in love with a young soldier, who later died in the war.

I believe most of us young ladies, we do have that kind of dream before. The prince charming who come rescue us from our miserable live. Haha it has been so long since I dreamed.


P/S: "You raised me up". Suddenly the song was in my mind.
A nice song that I liked so much, but never really listen to it these days.

This series was one of my favorites when I was young, and that was when I dreamed. =)
Enjoy!

Self Worth~

Sometimes I will ask myself, how much do I worth?

But come to think about it, what do I want to know? How much do I worth in the eyes of others? Or how much do I worth in the eyes of myself? Always people live by the standard of others. For example, I have to do this and do that because this is the standard of society. But how about ourselves?

Sometimes we think that we can count on our loved ones for self value because they are the people who are closest to us. Be it our family members, boyfriend or husband. But what if one day these people moved on or leave for another world? When that happens who are we going to depend on?

In the end we can only depend on ourselves. If there is no self value in ourselves, then we will never feel secured. Never have enough confidence to pursue our dreams, because we look at others before we take actions.

It is fine if today you don't value me as much as before. I value myself.

It is a matter of choice~

Mum brought back a bad news. My grandma was suffering from kidney failure. Only 25% of her kidney is left fighting for her body, the rest has died over time. She is now 89 years old, doctor doesn't recommend any treatment.

Sitting next to my mum listening to her calling all the siblings and asked them to prepare, I know she is not happy, can see from her red teary eyes. Me too. I am not very close to my grandma, but somehow I still feel very sad for her.

How long can a person live? Average of 80 years. It is just a blink of an eye and time flies. The next blink of eye we will see ourselves moving towards the other stage of life, maybe heaven or hell, maybe we are left with bone and dust. Wonder if I will regret things that I have done, sacrifices that have been made when I was young?

My boyfriend told me that we can only live once. Bad times are inevitable. It is a matter of choice whether we want to be happy or not. It is a matter of choice, whether I want to be the victim or not.

P/S: 过于执着只会让自己困在死角，叫天不灵叫地不应。

Intoxicating Hot!

Today the weather was so hot. This reminded me of The Book of Eli.

Protect our Earth! @@

Short Sighted-ness~

I remember my chemistry teacher once shared her story with us. She said her son was a naughty little brat, wanted to try everything that comes to his touch. She once tried stopping him from playing with the switch, but he never listened.

In the end my teacher stopped trying to stop him. In fact, she let him play with it. Her theory is that, her little boy will not listen to her if he didn't know the consequences of playing with those switches. So one fine day, when he was happily playing with the switch again, he was mildly electro-shocked. His finger was numbed for a while, and then the pain came. He cried.

After that incidence, my teacher never see her son going near to the switch anymore. That is even more effective than continuous bugging and scolding!

For the past one week I was like her son, eager to try out other opportunities and possibilities. And I found out that I am happier with what I am doing right now. I realize I am a short sighted person. I wanted to be rich fast, and retire young. I almost wanted to give up when I face difficulties in my job. How sure am I that things will not repeat if I change a different working environment?

A successful person is able to strive even in tough situation. Persistence is one thing, patience is another thing. I'm asking myself, "how much bullets do I have right now?" Be patience, be determined. Set a goal and direction, never give up so easily.

P/S: A friend of mine said that I am a person who give RM1 and expecting RM10 in return. Do you think so?

Pressure Cooker~

Whatever that I am experiencing now, is nothing new to me. Always, I fall to the same cycle, over and over again, and I cannot help myself out of the trap.

For many people who know me well, they know I am a perfectionist. I set high bars for myself, I want to achieve things that other people think it is impossible, or they couldn't be bothered. I want to prove myself to the world.

For that I have a great price to pay, for all my entire working life so far I am living in a pressure cooker. Depression is not a foreign word to me, I experience it almost everyday. I become persistent, I become over-persistent, I become pushy and in the end, people are afraid of me.

I feel defeated. I know my attitude is going to ruin me one day. I know I am finished if I don't change, but I just couldn't help myself. I feel so stressful if I didn't get to do it when other people don't even have to chase for it. Things just fall nicely for them.

Sometimes I just can't control myself but to feel unfair. The world is never fair, I know this is the real world that I am living in, but I just can't help myself to look at others and then look at myself again.

My ex-boss just called, and the minute I heard his voice, my tears just dropped. He told me I am already doing well, sometimes whatever you do, you may not see the result immediately. He asked me to relax, and really need to let go of myself before things really become worst. I know what he said is true, in fact I knew it myself too, but just it is so difficult to not think about it, to not make my brain work for it.

I know some people may have been afraid of me. I know some people will not tell me anything. I know I am not good enough yet. Thanks boss, for the listening ears. I hope one day I will be a better woman.

What goes around comes around~

Last week was a disastrous week.

For all the wrong deeds that I've done, I think I have suffered from the consequences. For being lazy and un-focus, I think my boss have seen it clearly with her eyes.

I am not ragging, nor that I complain anything. Whatever I've done, now it is just the consequences of my wrong deeds. Damage is done, the only thing right now is just to control the damage.

It is okay. Not a problem, I will work on the problems and areas that I am weak at. Gambateh!

Love is in the Air~

At every stage of my life,
There are something exciting waiting for me to explore.

At this stage of my life,
I feel the love is in the air. Many of my friends are getting married, many of them have met the special someone who they can see as a future husband/ wife. Some of them are preparing to be a mother, some of them just started to be a mother. I am happy, because I see the smiles on their faces.

All the best wishes to all of them.

Troubled~

Wow, it has been almost 6 months since I last blogged!
At first I thought I would have just given up blogging, but recently life has been a little bit too sucky and I think I have to blog my feelings out again.

Sigh~ I'm going to move to new house soon. Well, it is suppose to be a good thing but things don't always be good. Mom and dad have been quarreling over some issues, which to an extent where my mum is literally not listening to anyone anymore. She is sorta isolating herself from other people, and just wants other people to follow her way, before she starts making threats like she is not moving with us if things are not sorted out her way.

Sigh~ Dad is kinda given up. From what I know, he will do his way as well, and I am the person left to be the peace maker. Need to talk to mum and maybe let her know that things may be better if we see it from another perspective. But looking at my mum, my mouth is zipped. I don't know how to communicate with her. So difficult, don't even know how to start.

Have been very troubled by this matter. I really don't know how to get this thing solved. Sigh~