I like who I am~

It has been a long long time ever since I started to care about how others feel about me. But nowadays I find it very tiring to live up to everyone's expectation but myself.

I want to be myself, to do the things I like. Almost, I am not saying 100% yet, everyday I am getting better in caring less of what other people thinking of me. Too time consuming, and too mental torturing. If I am gonna die tomorrow, I hope I will be able to bring along the good memories with me, something that I'd proud of myself, rather than all the sighs and regret.

P/S: It is always at night that I become more sentimental. Hmmmm....

A Thousand Years~

Do you believe in music therapy?

Some music really makes our heart aches, makes our eyes tear, makes our body dances. Sometimes after a long working day, all I need is a nice song to cleanse my tired soul.

This is it! One of the best songs in 2011. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.



P/S: The guy proposed to his girlfriend using memes reminded me of this song. =)

Humanity~

Many people said dog is human's best friend.

I don't know because I am not an animal lover nor did I have any pet before in my life. But recently a friend of mine is suffering greatly from her dog, which is dying of old age.

The dog was with her and her family for more than 16 years and now it is about time to go. I don't know what kind of emotion is that to lose a pet that we have kept company for so long, but I know she is very sad and cannot let go. I remember once when I called her for some business matter, she sounded weird and before I could finish talking she put down the call. I wondered for a while before I received her text and she apologized, because she wasn't in the right mood to talk. Her dog is very sick.

Seeing what she and her family have to go through really makes my mind thinks. Family bonding, love and passion. People feel sad for losing their pets, people feel said for losing their loved ones. All these emotions are evidence that we are still a "human" human.

We aren't completely blinded by money, power and greed yet, although our world is corrupted enough. We still have what makes us human, and that's humanity. I really hope that my friend will be able to go through this. All the best to her.

P/S: Be strong k babe. =)

Super Idiot~

I thought I have seen the worst of her idiotic face for the past few days.

Didn't know that the worst part (so far) is now. She asked her assistant to call and said she is now running low of stock. Asked to put in order urgently when X'mas is just a day after tomorrow and the supplier is closed for the holiday.

The worst of the worst is she some more dare to ask me for bonus scheme when she knew that she didn't have the chance to extend her contract with us anymore. Can you believe it? Such idiotic person? And yet I still have to smile to her the next time I see her? Bloody hell to the maximum.

Grrrr! And the worst thing is, she ruined the first day of my long holiday. Grrrr! >.< You IDIOT!

Idiot~

This woman that I met today is scary.

I was trying hard to endure her evil and greedy face for almost 2 hours, and all she said was to give her a better offer before come talk to her again.

Throughout the whole conversation all she thinks about is money, profit and how to maximize profit for her organization. Ya I mean, I understand you are one of the shareholders and all you wanted to do is to bring the best interest to your company group.

But seeing her face today really ruined my mood to the maximum. Regardless of what I said, she just wanted me to offer her something better. She as a crucial person in a hospital setup never put patients' priority in the first place but profit always comes first.

Well, this is your choice. Don't come and bug me for drugs when you're running out of stock while I am having holiday. Damn you!

I Can't Believe This!

Can't believe I am doing this! Cooking up stories just to make "them" happy. What the hell and what's the point?

Never take into account of public holidays and annual leaves and events. Numbers do not represent everything, use a little of your brain please you idiot! I can't believe I am part of this!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! >.<

Between Money and Happiness~

I remember once I was having a discussion with a friend. I said now I have to focus on earning as much money as possible, so that I can have my first bucket of gold at the shortest period of time. Anything besides that is of secondary importance.

My friend then asked me, how much is your first bucket of gold? And what happen after the first bucket of gold? Am I gonna start saving for my second bucket of gold? Then forever I will not have the chance to spend, because after second bucket of gold, there will be third, forth, fifth... Infinity.

At that time I just don't understand why he said that. We live in a realistic world, money is a tool of survival. But now when I think about It, I guess I start to see his point.

I am not saying that money is no longer important, but money cannot buy happiness. I want to earn money too, but I just want to have enough money to live a reasonably comfortable and simple life.

Life is only so short, and if I am able to live until 100 years old, a quarter of my life has already gone. I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing money and miss out all the good things in life. No doubt money is important, but money is not everything.

I don't know if my perception is going to change again in the future, but for now, I know I want happiness more than money.

=)

Today is really a fruitful day. I happened to like my job even more! A patient called me today to know more about her cancer. She saw my number on the form that the doctor passed to her, and initially called to just ask about something related to our biomarker tests.

Then later on we talked about something else, maybe she finds me friendly or maybe I feel bad to call for a stop for the conversation, she started sharing with me how she discovered her disease and how she feels about herself now. The uncertainty, the worries and anxiety. We also talked about food and diet for cancer patients, and she shared with me her family problems and how she felt lucky to have her husband besides her.

In the end although my ears are in pain, complaining of the over dose of radiation from the handphone, I feel happy. I am glad that in my job I actually have a chance to help patients to get a better lives, to increase the accessibility of expensive drugs so that more patients can benefit. Maybe not so noble but at least, I can make some of them feel better and let them know having cancer is not the end of the world.

Suddenly I feel that pharma sales isn't so difficult after all. The opportunity is there, it is just depending on whether I want to take it or not.

All the best to all cancer patients out there. =)

可悲人类～

人类有时真的很可悲，为了一点点的虚荣心可以做出很多无谓的事情。真的很想大声笑，人类啊！可悲可悲。

当压力成为赢家时~

上天对我，其实已经算不话的。

从小到大我都衣食无忧，担心的只是如何考好成绩；担心的只是别人对我的看法；担心的只是一些无谓的小事，谁谁谁喜欢谁，谁谁谁暗恋谁，等等无谓的琐碎事情。出此之外，我可算是一位很幸运的人。

直到我开始工作，我才开始发现这个世界的另外一面，现实的一面，残酷的一面。我渐渐发现原来离开了父母的怀抱，一切都变得很困难。以前以为自己很厉害，到了现实社会才发现原来自己不过如此。

不是说上天已不再眷恋我，而是现在很多时候我都得付出双倍的努力来换取想得到的结果，有时候甚至付出了也未必会有成果。以前是个理想主义者，现在是个现实主义者。

我渐渐发现，其实我很多时候都不如人。很多时候感觉很沮丧，很多时候觉得自己很失败。很多人跟我说压力是自己给自己的。当初我很勇敢的说，压力是我的推动力。但当压力成为赢家时，我就像跌进山谷里的羊，怎么爬也爬不起来。

你们说，我该这么办？