Today, 12. 04. 2010...
I felt like I was back to my younger age, during my primary time. I was sitting at a room with a bunch of nerdy students, everyone of us was sweating in our palms, wondered when was our turn for "the punishment". The punishment for not getting 100% for the maths homework.
Unfortunately it was not a good day for all of us, everyone was punished. I remembered she had a big fat cane in her tuition room, and everyone of us got to taste it very often, including this time. I still remembered her expression, the face of disappointment when she looked at me. I was not a good maths student but most of the time I worked hard to score okay. But I was really bad in mathematical division as I never got to understand the concept behind. So in the end, I screwed up my maths homework, and was canned.
Today I felt the same. Boss was having some sorta expectation on me, but I didn't turn out to be at his level of expectation. He said I acted differently, and he preferred the me when I was first joined. The level of confidence, the eagerness to learn, and the passion. I cannot deny what he has said, because they are true. My confidence was shattered quite a bit when I was on field, and the longer I deal with people, the more rejections I received, the more careful I am. Because I don't want customers to hate me. But this at the same time, I become a timid, I dare not to express myself clearly. I was blurred and scared. This time around, I can also see the face of disappointment in him.
Somehow or rather, I've found this trend quite a repetitive in me. At least in many aspects of my life. Wonder if I am gonna let it repeat or find some ways to stop it from happening again?
P/S: Currently in severe migraine. Sorry for all the grammar and vocab mistakes.
I felt like I was back to my younger age, during my primary time. I was sitting at a room with a bunch of nerdy students, everyone of us was sweating in our palms, wondered when was our turn for "the punishment". The punishment for not getting 100% for the maths homework.
Unfortunately it was not a good day for all of us, everyone was punished. I remembered she had a big fat cane in her tuition room, and everyone of us got to taste it very often, including this time. I still remembered her expression, the face of disappointment when she looked at me. I was not a good maths student but most of the time I worked hard to score okay. But I was really bad in mathematical division as I never got to understand the concept behind. So in the end, I screwed up my maths homework, and was canned.
Today I felt the same. Boss was having some sorta expectation on me, but I didn't turn out to be at his level of expectation. He said I acted differently, and he preferred the me when I was first joined. The level of confidence, the eagerness to learn, and the passion. I cannot deny what he has said, because they are true. My confidence was shattered quite a bit when I was on field, and the longer I deal with people, the more rejections I received, the more careful I am. Because I don't want customers to hate me. But this at the same time, I become a timid, I dare not to express myself clearly. I was blurred and scared. This time around, I can also see the face of disappointment in him.
Somehow or rather, I've found this trend quite a repetitive in me. At least in many aspects of my life. Wonder if I am gonna let it repeat or find some ways to stop it from happening again?
P/S: Currently in severe migraine. Sorry for all the grammar and vocab mistakes.
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