Troubled~

Wow, it has been almost 6 months since I last blogged!
At first I thought I would have just given up blogging, but recently life has been a little bit too sucky and I think I have to blog my feelings out again.

Sigh~ I'm going to move to new house soon. Well, it is suppose to be a good thing but things don't always be good. Mom and dad have been quarreling over some issues, which to an extent where my mum is literally not listening to anyone anymore. She is sorta isolating herself from other people, and just wants other people to follow her way, before she starts making threats like she is not moving with us if things are not sorted out her way.

Sigh~ Dad is kinda given up. From what I know, he will do his way as well, and I am the person left to be the peace maker. Need to talk to mum and maybe let her know that things may be better if we see it from another perspective. But looking at my mum, my mouth is zipped. I don't know how to communicate with her. So difficult, don't even know how to start.

Have been very troubled by this matter. I really don't know how to get this thing solved. Sigh~

My sister~

Surprise once again.

Didn't know my sis has a blog, until this very moment.
Briefly went through her blog, and I saw maturity.
Once I thought she is just a small kid,
But didn't know she has matured and grown up.
I have been too caught up with myself.
Trapped in my own world,
Until I forgot to care for the people around me.

In one of her posts she mentioned about mom,
I don't even know that she has been through some hard times.
Ignorant? Maybe I am too obsessed with myself.
Enlarge my own problems and I don't see others.

Sad. I feel useless.
My sis has grown up.
Somehow when I read her blog, I feel that she is more mature than me.
Who said maturity is proportional to age?

What happen to me?
Sobs.

Negligence~

I have a story to tell.

There is this little boy who is very cute and smart. Maybe not book smart but he is a street smart boy. From young everyone likes him a lot, and he is his eldest sister's favorite sibling. The day when he was sent home from the hospital after delivery, his eldest sister gingerly touched his subtle forehead, the feeling of love is so strong. The connection between the siblings is strong. But, things change.

As they both grow up, the focus has changed. The sister has many other things to focus, and the little brother has seem to be a confirmed existence. As if he will always be there. He will not change. Negligence. Ignorance. Naive.

But when the little boy grows up, he faces different environments. He isn't happy with schooling, doesn't understand the subjects, fails several important units, sleep in the class. From bad to worst. He does everything without telling his parents, not even his sisters. Maybe to him, his family does not care anymore.

Parents are busy building a new house, thinking of other people's problems, socializing. Sister is too engross with her own problems, career, relationship, friendship, etc. Seems like family has not been in her equation for a long period of time. Negligence. Ignorance.

He may feel that nobody is there to help him, he turns his attention to his friends. The influence of peers, or some other things, they are all better than his family. Eventually the bubble bursts and the ugly side reveals. And the reality shocks everyone of them, including his eldest sister.

He failed his subjects terribly, he hide his sister's mp3 and lied that he did not. When confronted, he said this is a revenge. When accused, he pointed his finger to his mother and said please do not disturb, you are a disturbance. He shouted to his mother, asking her to shut up. His eldest sister is there too during the confrontation. She shouted as well, couldn't believe what her beloved little brother has done, partly also to cover her shock. What has happened? Why he change so much? Negligence. Because all the while they don't care, and now they don't know how they can care anymore.

The scenario is heart breaking. Painfully heart breaking. The eldest sister started crying during the confrontation, trying to save her little brother from fire. But he has been in the fire for so long and nobody cares. How can she save her by just scolding and tell him what is the right thing to do? And how she knows this is the right thing to do anyways?

The moral of the story:
Our eyes are narrow-sighted most of the time. We only see and magnify our problems, engross into them and spend most of the time self-pitying and blaming others for the unfairness. Negligence. Denial. Ignorance. We have eventually forgotten our closest family, forgot about other things. Negligence. When the truth reveals, it will just take you by surprise.

When you still can, please do not ignore your family members. Take responsibility as part of the family member.

Family~

*Mom's birthday 2009*

Mom was recently hospitalized to remove her womb. There was a growing fibroid at her womb and doctor suggested her to remove before it becomes something nasty. So after days of thinking and reconsideration, mom finally agreed for operation.

The night before mom was admitted to the hospital, dad was abit worried. Asking her to fast after 8pm and only drink water. The next day, both of them went off very early as mom's surgery was at 10am. I remembered that day was Thursday, where I needed to go to office.

That night itself we went to visit mom and she was awaken by our noisy footsteps and conversations. She was still drowsy and blur, not fully conscious. I saw dad came to her side and pulled up the blanket for her. The love was shown on his face, and I saw tears on his eyes. Touched.

My dad and mom had never have a good relationship during their younger days, where they always fight and quarrel. I even saw something worst happened before between them. So now when I saw dad being such caring, I couldn't imagine that they are actually the same person.

People said time changes human. I think dad is a good example. After all, we are still a family, biologically-linked. This once again reminded me of the scene in Lilo and Stitch, when Stitch was kicked out by Lilo, happened to read a book regarding to family.

In Hawaiian (I think), Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. I love you dad, I love you mom, I love you bros and I love you sis.

p/s: Hope mom will get well soon.

200% Blur~

Case Number 1:

Today while having fun in the kitchen (making lasagna) I saw my little brother coming into the kitchen to DIY glue. Those where you mix water and flour together and you can produce in bulk. Below is the conversation:

Me: Why are you doing this? (pointing to the glue)
Bro: I want to secure my puzzle.
Me: Why suddenly you got puzzle one? Got place to put meh?
Bro: My friend give me one...
Me: Why they so good one?
Bro: Today is what date? The day before is what date?
Me: Today is 25th la... Day before ma 24th lor...

Oh My GODDDDDD....

P/S: 24th July is my little brother's birthday and I totally forgot about it!
The puzzle was his birthday gift...
@@ Sorry bro... I am a bad sister...

Case number 2:
On the 23rd July I went to celebrate my friend's birthday with a couple of friends. And after the night they left the unfinished cake in my car and yet I didn't notice. The cake was left in the car until today, when I decided to take the book that I've left in the car. Then only I noticed the cake!!!! Kakaka~ I dare not to open the box because I scare I see something gross inside. Come on, for about 2 days and the car was parked under the sun. The heat and all that, I don't think it is edible anymore, at least to human. Maybe the worms are just about to start the feast. *vomit*...

Why am I so blur??? @.@

Trust is so damn f***ing hard~

Dad, if you don't learn how to trust me, we will end up going nowhere. I know you love me and I love you too, but if over-protection including your tiny little hope of *grounding* me is the way of you showing your love, it is just the matter of time before I started to hate you and run away from home. Sorry dad... Please trust me.

Fascinating~

Today I saw a family in the mall, an Indian father and a Malay mother. Their children were bouncing up and down around their parents and wanted to buy almost everything they saw from the shelf. I could see the love in their parents' eyes, the unconditional love. The parental kinda love which is surprisingly harmonious even when the parents came from different backgrounds.

This is the uniqueness of Malaysian I think. =) It is not uncommon to see married couples of different religion backgrounds. They have different skin colors but I guess, perhaps it is love that bond them together. Happy to finally see something positive around. After a discouraging month.

I get to know a song from Eason Chan, "今天只做一件事"... A very nice and meaningful song. No matter how hard our life may be, or how discouraging and how much we try to give up... But there are always love around. After all, the world is still beautiful.

Okay, forget about the unhappiness and disappointments, it is time to move on.
Sabah I'll be there! =D Gambateh!

"今天只做一件事"

發覺這世界永遠太少空間
因此花一天支配一切時間
發覺這世界永遠太嘥心機
因此花一天思索一切道理

消失太快 捉得到太少
因此花一天感覺一切是愛
茫茫人海 或有幾多漂泊與淹蓋
人人尋找愛 或有幾多爭鬥與比賽
越覺得剩低幾多未變的愛

慢慢地合作新詩
靜靜地同床午睡
再發現歲月換來幾次厭悶幾多親愛
有各樣劫災 和充滿意外
因此我要努力繼續能戀愛

慢慢地邁向聽朝
靜靜地懷念昨日
再決定今天只要相信愛
叫皺紋散開 喚青春歸來
因此我喜歡花一天感覺一切是愛

發覺這世界永遠太少深刻
因此花一天改變一切習慣
發覺這世界永遠太多蹺蹊
因此花一天擁有一切運氣

消失太快 捉得到太少
因此花一天感覺一切是愛
茫茫人海 或有幾多漂泊與淹蓋
人人尋找愛 或有幾多爭鬥與比賽
越覺得剩低幾多未變的愛

慢慢地合唱K歌
靜靜地同遊網上
再發現歲月換來幾次厭悶幾多親愛
有各樣劫災 和充滿意外
因此我要努力繼續能戀愛

慢慢地邁向聽朝
靜靜地懷念昨日
再決定今天只要相信愛
叫皺紋散開 喚青春歸來
因此我喜歡花一天感覺一切是愛

喜歡花一天跟你一切是愛

Happy daddy's day... ^^

I remember once during my high school time, my chemistry teacher was telling us how her son was not behaving himself. He was still a kid at that time and he liked to play with light switch and extension plug. My teacher was mad at him and no matter how many times she scolded him, he still acted the same way. Kaka... (so much like me and my dad). Then she finally decided to just let him play, because only when he was struck once, he would know that playing with plugs is dangerous. And yea... He did kena once when he was playing with wet hands. Even it was only a minor electric shock, but it was enough to give him a lesson, he did not play with switch from that time onwards... Kaka... Being a parent is not easy...

My dad always scolds me for not calling back home when I am staying in hostel. To me I think that there is no need to call everyday or to report myself everyday, so no matter how many times he scolded me, his daughter remained the same bullshit attitude. Lolx...

Also, when I went out with friends, although he didn't set a curfew like what time I should be back, but usually I just take that for granted, I came back usually at midnight or beyond that. Dad called of course, but then sometimes I didn't even pick up his calls (Don't be shock, at least I did that very often last time). Lolx... I always feel that, I am a young girl, don't lock me in a bird cage...

But now, kaka... I truely understand his feeling. Like my chemistry teacher's son, I finally learned when I been through the same situation as my dad. My brother was a young boy, at the age of 20 of course he got his own social activities and wants to stay all day out with friends, or only come back after midnight, which to him is nothing at all. I have been through that age as well, I understand how irritating it can be when our parents are trying to restrain us.

But now, at this time when I am typing this, he is still outside. Called him many times and he didn't pick up my calls. My pressure is building and when he finally picked up my call, the first thing I do was to scold him and ask him to come back right now. Everyone is worried, including me. Kaka...

I finally know that being a parent is so not easy. Children always never think from the parents' side, but they demand parents to think from their sides. I am one of them, and today I finally understand, actually parents are worry for their kids, like I worry for my brother, like my dad worries for him. It is not that they want to control us.

Sorry dad, sorry mom... Sorry for being a selfish kid... :)
Wow... There is still a lot to learn in life... Hope the strength is with me... Gambateh! ^^

Thank You Mama~

Today is mother's day and I as the daughter, should at least do something to show my gratitude to her. But instead, the whole day I was sitting in front of my lappie, doing research and trying to finish my malaria report as soon as possible. Because one glance at my planner for week 10, I am gonna faint. @@ If I don't finish my work fast, you may not be able to see me on week 11 already. So, work work and work!

My mommy on the other hand, despite the fact that today is her big day and she should take her rest, she worked harder for us, especially for me and my sister. My sister is preparing for her mid-term exam, so she also sat on the table whole day to cramp all the biology stuffs into her brain. Mommy then went to grocery with my brothers, bought a lot of fruits for us. She said we need some immune boost during tough week like this. So sweet. And now, she is asking me: "You sure you don't want more mango? One is enough?"... Oh my, thanks mom... I love you... =)

Also, once she came back from grocery, she started cooking behind (although we are suppose to have dinner outside today to celebrate mom's day). She is cooking for us. Both me and my sis are staying outside and she is pre-cooking for us so that we get to eat whenever we want, just by reheating the food. Oh mom... I love you... =)

I am really a bad daughter... Probably because I am a typical Chinese, I find it hard to express my love and respect to my mom... I just want to let her know that mom, I love you alotz... Muakz..

Ohana

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten. I still remember this quote from Lilo & Stitch, which had touched me very deeply. Today, I am asking myself, while I am actively trying to help the society, serve the community, how much have I contributed to my home? My very own home where I started learning how to walk, how to call "mama" and "papa"... Things have changed with time, so do I.

I promised my dad to go home (Rawang) this weekend, but this morning I actually changed my mind as I woke up at 12noon, don't feel like going home anymore. See, this is how easy I could just break the promise with my dad. I met a friend online, he actually asked me to go home..."Don't think too much, just go home now..." and yea, I did go home in the end. Thanks dude. But things don't just end there. Once I got home, mom bumped into me and complaint that dad has cut her credit card, and I have to go out with her now for grocery shopping as I have to pay the bills. I was like... can I not go? Why dad cut your card? My mom's expression told me that she was hurt, she just wanted me to go with her. Well, in the end, I went.

I did not ask her why dad cut her card. Or was it a misunderstanding? There are times where the card just cannot get through the machine. I have experienced that before. But then mom just excluded all reasons and confirmed that dad has cut her card, because she spent a lot of his money. I was like... Why did you all get married at the first place if there is no trust in each other? Or feelings just changed with time and they are now hating each other? Helpless...

While on the way home from the supermarket, mom actually asked me to fetch my sister back to Sunway. At that time I just refused to do so. Please... I just came back from Sunway and now you want me to go back Sunway and come back Rawang again? >.< "Never mind, I will do it..." At once guilt has penetrated every inch of my body... I felt bad and helpless... And now... I am sitting in my room facing the computer, chatting with friends. My mom is at her room. Interaction? Minimum. So what is the point of me going home if I don't feel home? If my mom is not happy of my existence? Dad is pissed of me... He said I didn't bother to stay at home for long... Every now and then I am away from home... It is like, home is no longer *home* for me already... Helpless... How to strike a balance? How to be a good daughter? How to maintain a good family relationship? Can someone just tell me what to do...