I officially resigned (updated)~

Yesterday I finally handed in my resignation letter to my lady boss and sent an email to my boss and manager in Boston. Almost immediately, I got a sms from boss asking why I decided to leave. He worried it might be due to office matters as in some people in the office might bully me. But well, I replied and said that I would like to try out in pharmaceutical line, which is more related to what I've studied in uni. Then he didn't say much already, just the normal hoohaa goodbye, you're a good staff and all the best kinda thing.

I thought when my lady boss knew about this, she would at least screw me once first before she agree to let me go. But well, things seemed to be going on quite smoothly, she didn't really make my life hard. In fact, we had a pleasant conversation in the afternoon, talking about office gossip.

Today is my last day in the office. Feeling is abit awkward as I don't know what to do in the office, and what is the proper thing to say. My colleague was late. He went to buy some dim sum back from the well known shop near our office. He said this is the farewell dim sum feast for me. Well, I am a bit touched actually. Thanks for the effort =)

Sometimes I think, I am really a well blessed child. Although I always complain about the work, but maybe as compared to others, I am indeed the lucky one to get to work with this company. Somehow I think I'll miss the people in the office, as well as Cheras Old Town which I have spent most of my mornings there, sipping my beloved coffee.

Although it was just a brief 3 months, but I guess I have learned quite a lot during the process, expose to the real working environment, experience the terrible morning jam(>.<); learn most of the roads in Klang Valley; observe the bunch of monkey every morning... Anyways, special thank to Dr. Noorlin, a very wise doctor that taught me a lot. Thank you everyone, thank you TDI, for being part of my life. =)

*My manager, I hope he won't see this... LoLx*

*The usual morning jam... @@*

*They've lost their home due to urbanization. Forests were flattened to build houses. Thus high tension wires have become their new and only home now. Kesian... Everyday I will count the number of monkeys hanging on the wire, worry if some of them died... Kaka... Silly me*

There goes my first job. Not sure if I have made the right decision to leave this company. But what is done is done. Life moves on and I will try my very best for the 2nd interview with Roche tomorrow. God Bless. Gambateh! ^^

Thank God, for telling me that I deserve~

Just in case if you don't know, I cry a lot when I speak to the God. Often times when I look into her eyes, I see kindness, acceptance and forgiveness. It is like no matter what I do, how much sins I have, God will always be my side, she will never abandon me, she will always protect me. To me, thats the meaning of God.

It is not wrong to say that we human live in a society, but there are inevitable moments where we feel alone, abandoned, like no one cares if you are alive or dead. Some people may try to ignore these kinda feelings, some may live in denial, some may try to live with it, some may break down and give up... As for me, I will pray hard to the God, because I know, she will not abandon me. As long as we believe, then there will be hope.

You can say I am mentally weak, but I would say this is how I become strong. Because I believe, for all obstacles and difficulties that we face today, they are God's effort to make us mentally stronger, to be a better man, and to be able to achieve our desired lives. This is how she is blessing us. This is how she is trying her best to protect us.

This evening, I got a call from Roche saying that I am selected for the 2nd interview. Thank God. Thanks for standing by my side during my vulnerable and self-doubting moments. Thanks for giving me a chance. Thanks for telling me that I deserve, as long as I work for it. Thank you, and I promise you, I will try my best.

P/S: To you, we always have our vulnerable times, but just to let you know, I'll be there whenever you need me.

26.10.09~

I didn't have a nice sleep yesterday, kept waking up from dreams. I remembered grabbing the alarm clock on my bedside when I was awaken, and it showed 4.44am. A bad indicator of the day. In Chinese they said 4 is *sei*, means die. Bad luck perhaps, and seriously, today was just not my day.

I hate heavy makeup, but this people in Roche said makeup is basic manners, so I tried to do some basic ones, which I felt very uncomfortable with. Then the interview, I waited for like almost an hour for the *director* to come, which at that time, I assumed the director was the company director.

Then, miscommunication. I thought this was the second interview where I would have to do product presentation, since I already passed the first interview. So I prepared whole night yesterday for the presentation, checked out the Dos and Don'ts. However, the person who interviewed me just now, is the director of HR department, meaning that I am still at the first stage of the interview.

Well, I am okay with that actually. No big deal. Just the questions he asked, some I don't think I have answered well. A bit like bringing him to tour the garden (Chinese saying). At the end of the interview, he ticked on my application form, and said he gave me a pass for the interview and explained what I should do for the product presentation. Meaning that probably, I got the chance for the 2nd interview, depending on the performance of other candidates. What I need to do now is wait, which can be a very unbearable process.

Actually I was quite confident before this and thought it should not be a problem. But over-confidence often leads to fatal consequences, like how I feel right now. Of coz not exactly *fatal*, but a bit unexpected and disappointed. @@ Well, still, there are still hope. Seriously, I hope I deserve a chance. Praying hard for the best.

P/S: I found a way to online for free without spending in a cafe or something, that is to park outside (nearest possible) the cafe and online in the car. =P

Turning point?

This morning while preparing myself for another new day, I roughly run through what I should do for the coming days, the most appropriate thing to do. Today will be another normal working day, then in the afternoon I will notify my lady boss that I will be late on Monday, reason? Personal stuff. Well, probably she will start suspecting me, but I cannot care so much already.

On Monday, I will try my best for the 2nd interview, hopefully I get a green light from the Roche director, and once this is done, that day afternoon I will go back office, and send a email to my boss in US, cc to my manager, and verbally talk to my lady boss. I don't know what else they will say, or perhaps they already expected this to happen, but nothing much I can do already.

If say I don't get a green light from Roche, I will work for the coming week, and still send in my resignation letter when my boss and manager come back from US. Sometimes I think, for every single decision you made, there is no exact right or wrong, it is based on how you see it. At this stage, I think I still have the choice to choose what I like to do, so why not I go for something that I have passion with?

Till then. As someone told me many times,
"Don't think so far first, solve the problems in front of you first." =P

Well, perhaps that should be the way after all. Gambateh and all the best then. =D

What a day~

Today I went to UITM to send a quotation to a doctor and to have some case discussion. Well, one thing "special" about UITM is that they have a very "unique" elevator system. Unlike the conventional ones, in UITM the numerator thingy is outside of the elevators, before you hop into the lift, you have to press the floor level, indicating where you want to go and the system will direct you to which lift to take.

*Don't know what this thing call, just call numerator thingy la... =P*

Well, it sounds cool but the system honestly, is very much worst than the conventional one. First it took ages for the numerator thingy to respond, sometimes they will show you a "XX" sign on the screen, indicating that the lift is not responding fast enough to you. Next, I don't know if the problem happens only in UITM or the entire elevator system is a problem by itself, they have separate lifts to go to different floors. For example, lift A is for floor 3 to floor 10. Lift B is for floor 11 to 20, etc.

* "XX"... Ops, I am slow... =P*

So happen today, poor Joeanne has to go to 19th floor to meet the doctor. Appointment was at 3.30pm and I was already late. Then the stupid lift was giving me damn loads of problem. First it took ages to respond. Well, I am a patient young lady, so I waited and waited. And when I walked out of 10th floor, I saw a big "ROSAK" sign on the outside of the lift which used to get to 11th floor onwards.

Pissed, tired and anxious. I decided to walk up the stairs. But since I am having a sedentary life for months, 9 floors of stairs almost took my breath away. I wore two layers of cloths to ensure that I don't look too thin, but now they were giving me problem as they insulated all the body heat inside. Finally, I managed to make it to 19th floor and what pissed me again was that, doctor was not in. Still panting, I called and she said she was stuck with some matters in UM, so unable to rush back. I was like... sigh... Sweat even more...

Then since today my last stop was at Shah Alam, I decided to use Guthrie highway to go home. First, I don't have to care about the toll, since the company is paying, second I can skip all the traffic jams in PJ and Subang areas. And seriously by using this highway, it only took around half an hour to reach Rawang. Wee~

*Erm, undulating road?*

Guthrie highway is relatively new, maybe because of the location problem, most of the time it is traffic free. Also, surrounding this highway is a long stretch of oil palm plantation, from far they look so calm and green. So nice. This remind me of my crazy time last time, where me and my friend used to hang around the highway at night, walking along the divider, shouting and boo-ing those cars passing by. I know it is idiotic... Blek...

*Guthrie Highway*

Last but not least. The good news of the day, today Roche called and asked me to go for the 2nd interview tomorrow, whereby I just went for the 1st interview yesterday! Woot! But then I couldn't make it tomorrow since I have a surgery appointment, so we make it on Monday next week. Well, hope everything goes well then.

P/S: Thank God for all the blessings, thank you my family and friends for all the support, and thanks dear for your love.

Why so unfair?

*Sorry everyone, these days my blog is a bit gloomy*

Today I saw a mentally retarded man wandering around on the street. I guess he is at his late 40s, old and slightly plump. But what saddened me is that, he is wearing some tight female singlet and a worn out short skirt. He is a man. But he doesn't know what he is doing.

He sat on the floor and talking to himself, occasionally added with some hand motions. People around walked passed him, nobody ever cares about him, as if he is another stray dog or cat on the street.

I feel very sad when I look at him. Not sure what has happened to his life that caused him to be mentally retard today. But then I asked God, does he deserve all these? Was he given a chance before? Why some people are living at the other side of the world, enjoying luxurious lives while some people have to live like an animal? What kinda judgment is that? Did they include the scale for fairness?

Probably I am just being emotional these days. Small little things can evoke my sea of thoughts and feelings. And seriously, I don't know how much I deserve actually, but I will try my best to appreciate what I have in life, and always remember not to take anything for granted.

Tomorrow's interview is an opportunity given to me. I will try my best then. All the best! Aza-aza!

P/S: 委屈你了，要你啃一个这么难啃的女人。。。=P

Since when?

Today I got an unexpected call from Roche, a multinational pharmaceutical company saying that I am shortlisted for one of their job positions. I applied for this job few months back, and since there was no response, I thought I was rejected. That is why, when I got the call today, it caught me by surprise.

Almost immediately, they want me to confirm the interview straightaway. But after some negotiations, the latest call would be tomorrow, a YES or NO answer. Suddenly I lost my grip, don't know what to do. This is because I am picking up already, screened almost 100 clinics and have already identified the potential ones. Even, I already met some potential ones and there is a high chance where I can make sales already. The future, at least for the few months to come, is actually positive.

And out of the blue, this Roche thing is forcing itself into my current life equation, mess up with my plans. Actually, it is not a big deal yet, because they only call me for an interview. It is just that, I wanted so much to tell him about this. I text-ed him, and his reply somehow made me feel vulnerable, tears filled my eyes. Not because he has said anything special, it was just my sudden realization. Since when, since when I am so dependent on him, emotionally?

All the while I thought I am a strong woman, independent and able to make the right decision at the right time. But now, I feel so messed up, a bit reluctant to accept the fact that I've fallen once again, and this time, it is very deeply indeed. This feeling makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless, as if I've lost the protective shell that protects my pusillanimous heart.

I remember telling my friend this:

"要爱，就要准备受伤害。"

I think I have to keep this for myself as well. Although eventually, I don't know it is a good thing or bad thing...

PutraJaya and Me~

A planned city located south of Kuala Lumpur, was built based on the theme of a garden city that is in harmony with its natural environment, yet it is modern, futuristic, unique and *supposingly* very Malaysian. It is the vision of Tun Dr Mahathir to make Putrajaya the new federal administrative centre of Malaysia, in order to ease the overcrowding and congestion in Kuala Lumpur (Wikipedia, 2009).

Critics said that the entire project was a massive waste of tax payers' money. The real cost of construction has never been officially released, but reliable sources estimated at least 20 billion ringgit has been dumped into this project (Wikipedia, 2009).

Regardless, Putrajaya is always romantically linked to me. Reasons? First, they have very pretty night scenes.

*Seri Saujana Bridge*

*Putrajaya lakeside*

*Some administrative building I think*

*John Doe*

Second, at night that place is very quiet, so you would have more private time with your dear, I guess. Also, there is a distance from KL to Putrajaya, so you can spend more time with your loved ones. Forth, as others said, we have to get back some interest from the government. LoLx...

*A quiet or dead city at night*

P/S: 车牌妹 is happy with 车牌仔... Ngek ngek...

Random thoughts~

Sometimes the world is really small. A few days back I met a guy visiting clinics like me, but he was buying some dental wastes from the doctors while I am asking doctors to buy my products. Then coincidentally, we met today again in another area doing basically the same thing. LoLx.

After exchanging number and all that, we chatted for a while. He asked if I am scared when I do all the visiting alone, because nowadays the world is getting very mutated. My friend just told me that her car was hammered by some rempets to snatch her handbag from the passenger seat. Then there are also cases where ladies are robbed and rapped while they were walking alone in the car park. Everyday we have freshly baked news from the newspaper, actually it is quite scary.

Well, honestly speaking I am afraid too, especially most of the time I am alone carrying stuffs or driving alone screening for dental clinics. If someone seriously targeted me and wanted to rob me, or worst... I think I would be defenseless. But well, life still moves on. Just be more alert and pray hard then.

Dedicated to YOU~

That day was slightly touched when you showed me the ring tone you set specifically for me (not sure if it is *specifically* thou =P). Sometimes these small little things that you did, small little changes here and there, is enough to touch my soul. As I told you, I am a simple woman. Keke... So I was looking for some songs that suit YOU specifically, and I think the song below, is relatively what you mean to me now. Enjoyz.

--I Wanna Know What Love Is--

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is...
I want you to show me...
I wanna feel what love is...
I know you can show me...

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me...
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me...

In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life...

I wanna know what love is...
I want you to show me...
I wanna feel what love is...
I know you can show me...

(Mariah Carey version)

A total mess~

*A total mess*

Ever since the beginning of August, my life has gone into a total mess, a total disorganized chaos. New job has occupied my weekdays, weekends were occupied by friend gatherings and outings, and nowadays, dating is part of my weekend's MUST plan (I am not complaining thou). Dad said I am treating the house as a hotel, I only sleep in the house at night, the rest of the time I was out, nowhere to be seen. Feel a bit bad thou.

Many things were left behind. I look at my room, and I can only sigh, because it is a total mess. Clothing are all stacked up, handbags are hanging messily around the chair, papers and non-essential documents are all scattering around my table, even the newspapers where I used to look for job (like two months ago?) are still lying flatly on my table, facial products are all scattering around, the mirror is filled with fingerprints and many more. Sometimes I don't even feel like opening my closet, because everything is just so messed up inside. Sigh, and yet I dare to call myself a girl. @@

Then I look at my face. The tone is getting slightly dull, open pores are getting very obvious and also those black circle beneath my eyes. I wonder when was the last time i went for a facial, and when was the last time I pampered my face with masks. Also I look at my skin, it is getting so dry and dehydrated. I wonder when can I indulge myself in a spa treatment? Besides, I want a good hair treatment as well!

Next, I remember promising my dentist to go for a scaling and checkup during September (General dentist is different from orthodontist). But then now it is getting to the mid of October already, and yet I don't have a slight motivation to go knock on his clinic. Perhaps I have visited too many clinics for the past few months, perhaps I don't have the time, or perhaps everything is just an excuse, because I am too lazy.

Then I look at myself again. Seems like I am gradually losing some weights. My current record is 49kg (after meal), means that I dropped another kg from my average 50kg. Mom said I look like a stick now. Today a nurse said my hand is like those crispy biscuit, so thin that it can be easily broken into half. Perhaps that has to do with my inconsistent meals and coffee overdose. I wish to gain more weight too. But how?

Therefore, before the condition gets any worst, I think I should spend more time on myself. A little bit of time management, go for a nice facial treat, perhaps spend some times to pack my room, listening to some musics, read some books, have more quality sleeps and perhaps to go for better and *fatter* foods. @@ Also, its time to seriously think about my future.

P/S: Don't take it wrong, my life goes on, in fact BETTER... with YOU.

A better Insight~

Today I had a nice chit chat session with my lady boss and I had a better insight of the company background, the real working environment, and my gold fish colleague.

She told me a lot about Mr. Gold Fish, warned me to be careful when dealing with him. Some *behind-the-scene* stories were revealed, I am not shock, but a little surprise. Skip those back stabbing stuffs, overall I can only say that he is not a trustworthy guy, either emotionally, physically or financially. As for me, I can only say that I will be more careful when dealing with him, and only official matters, as I have promised someone.

Then she also told me more about our company, how they were cheated by the ex-manager, why they got into legal case, how they almost declared bankruptcy and how they finally found a way to deal with it. Somehow I found it fascinating, as I got to know more about the real life environment, the real business world, where almost everything is profit oriented, there is no true friend and there is no forever enemy. Fascinating, but not something I adore very much now.

Somehow I find that, being a working adult is really a major transition in one's life, as we get to know something that we didn't know when we were studying. The environment is so different, sometimes it even takes a long time for one to adjust. Also, human are complex beings, it is almost impossible to truly understand a person, no matter how long you have known this person.

Phrases of the day:
Do not interrupt when someone is speaking
Do not believe in everything you listen or see
Be selective and analytic
Put on your thinking cap and think.

P/S: For a better future, a wiser woman I wanna be.

So baby no worry~

So baby, don't worry,
You are my only,
You won't be lonely,
Even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only,
No need to worry...

(Extracted from Down, by Jay Sean feat Lil Wayne)

P/S: As I've promised YOU

A constantly changing mind~

*Clueless. I am lost and the raindrops are bombarding me. Not sure of my direction, my path and my future.*

Nowadays I am thinking alot, thinking of the choices that I have, the decisions that I should make and the consequences of each decision.

I got a feeling to continue studying, but not sure if research is something that I really like. What kinda topic they are offering next semester? Hows the fees like? Will I be able to get scholarship? What kinda prospect I have once I finish honors? Will I face the same condition like what I am facing now? Will I be too old by the time I finish my honors? A lot of questions...

At the same time, I am thinking of the possibility of changing a new job, perhaps looking for something less stressful, less sales-oriented. Everyday they have this new job notifications buzzing my email, but every time when I checked, they are more or less the same. Business development executive, sales executive, management trainee, lab technician, etc. I don't know, I remembered my friend saying that sales is not suitable for me, but can you tell me what is suitable then? Perhaps only time and my own experiences can tell. Somehow, I like food science and food development, but not sure if Monash is offering food science-related topics in their honors program.

Apart from that, pressure from home is accumulating. Mom especially, is not pretty happy with us. Some issues have become our topics of arguments, I know she cares for me, she worries I made the wrong choice, or wrong move perhaps. Blinded. She said don't waste my time and youth. She asks me to build up my career first, while I don't even know if I really like this job. Honestly speaking I am not sure if I have done the right thing, because there is no way you can tell if you are right or wrong, only future can tell if my decision is correct.

I am a person who always follow my heart. I only do things when my heart tells me to do. I won't force myself in doing things that I hate. I know uncertainty is always the issue between us, but once again, only time and OUR experiences can tell. For now, I just know that I love this man, for all the issues and problems that are bombarding around us, or me, they are challenges. If we are lucky enough to get through them, then we will be better off. Else, there is no need to force. But still, all of these still come back to one conclusion, only time can tell. Only when you have worked for it before, then only you know whether you did the right thing or not.

Perhaps it is time for me to slowdown my pace, and think of what I really want. May God bless us.

Kinda True ^^~

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

(Source: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx)