Recently~

Sometimes when we grow older, we tend to reflect what we've done in our younger age, thinking of those days where we have nothing much to worry about. While I was showering, suddenly my mind was reflected to several years back, during the summer holiday when I was having my internship at Sunway Medical Center.

I still remember my friends complaining that we had special treatment from the school as our internship was short (only one month as compared to others), and we worked alternative days. Meaning that if I work on Monday, Tuesday would be my off day and I only came back to work on Wednesday, and etc.

I remembered those days after I finished work, or more appropriately after I've done statue-ing in the lab the whole day, I would hang out with my intern mates for tea, dinner or movie. Why not? When the next day was an off day. There was nothing to worry about. On top of that, we didn't have to worry about working productivity and performance, in fact we were not allowed to touch most of the equipments and machines; didn't have to worry about salary and other financial commitments, since we were not paid, and at that time we were all still students. Life is good, at that time.

Now that I've got an official job, many serious things come into play. The level of responsibilities and commitments is exponentially increasing, sometimes outpace the speed of my adaptability. Many people said this is all due to time management, if you able to manage your time well, then you will get things done in an organized way, and you don't have to mess up your life. But once again, it is always easier said than done.

When I look at myself, I see many things surrounding me, even more things in my mind. Things that I wanted to achieve, life that I wanted to have. Well, probably in a way I am too eager, seeking for instant gratification, looking for fast-track to achieve my desired goals.

However I know, there is always something to be said about learning the ropes through the old-fashioned way, by putting in time, effort and energy. Good things always come last, after countless effort and hardwork. It is then that we will appreciate what we have.

Life moves on though. Gambateh! ^^

Confused~

At certain point of my life, I have got to understand that life is not made of purely black and white. In fact, there are many mixtures and combination which require a lot of flexibility in order for us to survive well in this society.

I guess majority of us have our own principles, some guidelines in our heart that tell us what to do and what not to do. But sometimes there are certain situations where we have no choice but to work against our own moral, give in ourselves in order to get the job done.

If that occurs, what are we suppose to do? When there are no rooms for principles and moral and ethnics? A lot of us will answer, if that happens, then we can only try our best to strike a balance. But it is always easier said than done.

Somehow I've learned that, there is no straight route in business world. Rigidity and too protocol-like are less likely to work in today's society. We must have certain level of flexibility and elasticity, even if that includes the need of us to bend down our waist.

Each day when I start my day on field, I get to realize and learn new things, and sometimes the reality is just so bitter that I refuse to accept it. However I know, in order to survive well, and survive long, I will have to keep learning, and keep adapting according to my principles.

Life is never easy. I just wish I will not loss myself during the process. How I wish I can live the way I like.

Rejuvenation~

*When can I have this kinda freedom?*

Have been having very little sleep nowadays, sleep deprivation is not something new in my dictionary. This morning I woke up feeling cranky. I didn't want to wake up from my bed, wanted so much to stay underneath my blanket. I didn't want to go to work, thinking of the possibility to text my boss and ask for mc. I didn't wanna do anything that have any relation with responsibility.

But reality is reality, not something that I can easily escape from. As I finally woke up and washed up, I opened my cupboard and found that I have nothing to wear. Mind was blank, time was ticking. Just simply, I grabbed a normal working blouse and a white pants, kinda slammed my cupboard and off I go. It was this kinda day, I felt burdened even at the early of the morning.

While driving to work, sleeping bugs were attacking me. There was a few times where I nearly dozed off. I told him I was sleepy, I wanted to sleep, but even with virtual kisses and everything, I still felt sleepy. At the same time, my mind was having a civil war again, whether to go to the hospital this early, or just to *snake* for a while to grab a cup of coffee. Finally, the devil won. In my heart I was trying to convince myself, "I was already late anyways, maybe the urologists will not be there already..."

To be truthful, all I wanted was a time off. I needed time for myself, detach from the world, to get away from people, from work, from reality and from responsibility. I just wanted some times for myself, doing nothing related to work, just wanted to enjoy a cup of coffee. Kinda pathetic when I think it that way. Since when I have to think of so many excuses to give myself a break?

Nowadays I've learn that, life has never been easy. I am trying hard to achieve things that I wanted to achieve, trying to strike a balance. But during the process, I have loss myself. Time are all devoted to other people, and I left myself with nothing, but a bunch of undone works, tension, responsibilities, and sleep deprivation.

I am done with all these. I need a break. I need to re-organize myself. I need to re-set my goals. I need to prioritize. Most importantly, I need rest. Accept it, it is time for some self-nurturing and self-respect.

Once upon a time~

*Shame of myself*

Once upon a time, I was environmental friendly. Leading a bunch of green people trying to raise awareness on environmental protection.

But look at what I am doing now, I think this is what they call the Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. When basic needs are not satisfied, we are not motivated or driven to do something beyond.

Once upon a time, I thought I would be different, but now I realize that I am merely another human living in this suffocating world, and unable to escape from reality.

Family~

*Mom's birthday 2009*

Mom was recently hospitalized to remove her womb. There was a growing fibroid at her womb and doctor suggested her to remove before it becomes something nasty. So after days of thinking and reconsideration, mom finally agreed for operation.

The night before mom was admitted to the hospital, dad was abit worried. Asking her to fast after 8pm and only drink water. The next day, both of them went off very early as mom's surgery was at 10am. I remembered that day was Thursday, where I needed to go to office.

That night itself we went to visit mom and she was awaken by our noisy footsteps and conversations. She was still drowsy and blur, not fully conscious. I saw dad came to her side and pulled up the blanket for her. The love was shown on his face, and I saw tears on his eyes. Touched.

My dad and mom had never have a good relationship during their younger days, where they always fight and quarrel. I even saw something worst happened before between them. So now when I saw dad being such caring, I couldn't imagine that they are actually the same person.

People said time changes human. I think dad is a good example. After all, we are still a family, biologically-linked. This once again reminded me of the scene in Lilo and Stitch, when Stitch was kicked out by Lilo, happened to read a book regarding to family.

In Hawaiian (I think), Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. I love you dad, I love you mom, I love you bros and I love you sis.

p/s: Hope mom will get well soon.

Living in denial? No more~

*I am proud to say I Love You*

I think our emotions are linked to how much we care for something, or somebody.

Honestly, most of the time I am not just curious when I ask about your past. Not merely because I have nothing better to do. It was because I wanted to know more, I wanted to know what happened in your past, who were the important people in your past, that made the you today.

If said I don't care at all, or not be bothered at all, I am lying to you. But when I knew, I felt sad and sour. Maybe that is why they said 女人是矛盾的动物. But when think about it again, if I were to choose again, I will still ask you the same questions again. This time was because I know I am your presents and future. So why afraid to know something which was already a history?

At certain stage of life, I know living in denial is not the way out. We have to acknowledge our past, in order to appreciate our present and future. Are you on the path with me?

p/s: I know I should post this somewhere else, but it was in my draft already, so just post here la. XD

是否失去了，才会珍惜？

人是不是都是这样的呢？

当失去了才会珍惜，
当太久不见时才会想起。。。

已经太久没听华语电台的我，今天突然心血来潮转去OneFM, 刚巧在播吴克群的《为你写诗》。听着听着，突然心里有种暖暖的感觉，好像重新找回失去已久的感动，还蛮不错的。

人往往都是这样的吧，
当我们重复地听着一首歌时，不会觉得它特别好听。
当我们重复地面对着同样的人与事时，只会把它们当成routine。
当我们拥有时，也不会特别珍惜。
当我们失去了，才来后悔可惜。

人类啊。。。何苦呢？