Ohana

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten. I still remember this quote from Lilo & Stitch, which had touched me very deeply. Today, I am asking myself, while I am actively trying to help the society, serve the community, how much have I contributed to my home? My very own home where I started learning how to walk, how to call "mama" and "papa"... Things have changed with time, so do I.

I promised my dad to go home (Rawang) this weekend, but this morning I actually changed my mind as I woke up at 12noon, don't feel like going home anymore. See, this is how easy I could just break the promise with my dad. I met a friend online, he actually asked me to go home..."Don't think too much, just go home now..." and yea, I did go home in the end. Thanks dude. But things don't just end there. Once I got home, mom bumped into me and complaint that dad has cut her credit card, and I have to go out with her now for grocery shopping as I have to pay the bills. I was like... can I not go? Why dad cut your card? My mom's expression told me that she was hurt, she just wanted me to go with her. Well, in the end, I went.

I did not ask her why dad cut her card. Or was it a misunderstanding? There are times where the card just cannot get through the machine. I have experienced that before. But then mom just excluded all reasons and confirmed that dad has cut her card, because she spent a lot of his money. I was like... Why did you all get married at the first place if there is no trust in each other? Or feelings just changed with time and they are now hating each other? Helpless...

While on the way home from the supermarket, mom actually asked me to fetch my sister back to Sunway. At that time I just refused to do so. Please... I just came back from Sunway and now you want me to go back Sunway and come back Rawang again? >.< "Never mind, I will do it..." At once guilt has penetrated every inch of my body... I felt bad and helpless... And now... I am sitting in my room facing the computer, chatting with friends. My mom is at her room. Interaction? Minimum. So what is the point of me going home if I don't feel home? If my mom is not happy of my existence? Dad is pissed of me... He said I didn't bother to stay at home for long... Every now and then I am away from home... It is like, home is no longer *home* for me already... Helpless... How to strike a balance? How to be a good daughter? How to maintain a good family relationship? Can someone just tell me what to do...