I am not a clubber nor a drinker~

I used to enjoy clubbing quite a lot, with the alcohol, musics and the people around, you just can't stop your body from moving. It is a good way to temporarily forget about your problems, flirting around and enjoying the chill of having fun with random people. But that's once upon a time.

Too much of alcohol can kill. I started drinking quite a lot ever since I started working. The amount of input may be more than all the inputs I had over the years. I know I may be a paranoid, but my tummy don't feel well every time I started drinking, it aches a bit. Maybe I think too much, maybe it is a warning, to stop me from drinking too much before I become a habitual drinker.

Plus, in the club most of the people don't be their usual selves. In fact it is a good chance for clubbers to become someone else, someone that they yearning to be but may not have the chance due to social constraint. People started to get wild in the club, molestation, sexual harassment, harmless flirting, alcohol abuse and even drug abuse. In the end of the day, we may not know what we are doing.

Just find a day if you are in a club, try to be abit observant and look at the people around you. I don't know if this applies to everyone, but I feel abit disgusted. People become soulless, they become someone that you do not know. Some of them spent hundreds on beers and hard liquor, but in the end they vomitted out all the alcohol, drunk and wasted. Then whats the purpose?

Perhaps I have passed the age of clubbing. A few drinks once in a while still okay, but no longer a *kiap-kiap* kaki... XD

Love fades with time?

Recently I know a friend who has married for 7 years. He is now 28 years old, and ya... He married when he was 21 years old. I don't know how he actually sees his marriage with his wife, but from our conversation I can wildly guess that he is still wild, still looking for fun, seeking something interesting outside of his wife and son, looking for more spices for his life.

When he was excitedly telling me his story, my eyes were looking into his, smiling and nodding. But my brain was thinking, analyzing this guy in front of me. There must be some reasons that caused him to make the decision to get into marriage at the age of 21, and I suppose there must be some LOVE elements in his decision. Nonetheless, when I looked at him now, I don't see any or at least I don't feel the LOVE anymore. So, is this what people said love fades with time?

When we were young we were told about the fairy tales, the Happily-Ever-After ending. But most of the time when we look at the reality, often times we only see the opposite. Husbands abuse their wives and kids, some even murder their family members; high divorce rate in most of the developed countries, not many people actually see the value of marriage anymore. If I like, I get married; and if I don't like, I can just divorce. Is this the world that I am living right now?

Maybe at the end of the day I still do not have the ability to change the world to the version that I prefer, but to the minimum I will do what I can to make a difference. Having him at my side is a God bless. Although I am not sure where is our destination at the end of the day, but at least during the process I have tried my best. =)

* Be positive*

Today~

Today, 12. 04. 2010...

I felt like I was back to my younger age, during my primary time. I was sitting at a room with a bunch of nerdy students, everyone of us was sweating in our palms, wondered when was our turn for "the punishment". The punishment for not getting 100% for the maths homework.

Unfortunately it was not a good day for all of us, everyone was punished. I remembered she had a big fat cane in her tuition room, and everyone of us got to taste it very often, including this time. I still remembered her expression, the face of disappointment when she looked at me. I was not a good maths student but most of the time I worked hard to score okay. But I was really bad in mathematical division as I never got to understand the concept behind. So in the end, I screwed up my maths homework, and was canned.

Today I felt the same. Boss was having some sorta expectation on me, but I didn't turn out to be at his level of expectation. He said I acted differently, and he preferred the me when I was first joined. The level of confidence, the eagerness to learn, and the passion. I cannot deny what he has said, because they are true. My confidence was shattered quite a bit when I was on field, and the longer I deal with people, the more rejections I received, the more careful I am. Because I don't want customers to hate me. But this at the same time, I become a timid, I dare not to express myself clearly. I was blurred and scared. This time around, I can also see the face of disappointment in him.

Somehow or rather, I've found this trend quite a repetitive in me. At least in many aspects of my life. Wonder if I am gonna let it repeat or find some ways to stop it from happening again?

P/S: Currently in severe migraine. Sorry for all the grammar and vocab mistakes.

God Mummy~

There was a person who said this to me some times ago,

As long as you believe,
Our sun will never stop shining,
Even after a dreadful thunderstorm.
Just don't give up.

I believe in God, not because I wanna go to heaven. I believe in God because I believe that She will not abandon us. As if she is the sun over the universe, she will protect us along our journey of growth, the journey in seeking of self-realization.

She always remind her people to work hard, work smart, to be a better person for the world. Try to find our own way to success, try to find our way to make this world a better place. She gives us motivation, energy and strength to move forward, to not give in to defeats, to stand straight even when we are hit with problems and obstacles. That's what God is to me. She is my motivator, because I know she will be there watching, and blessing everyone of us, regardless whether you believe in her existence or not.

Love you god mummy, I will work hard, and work smart. =)

简单的幸福~

有时简单就是幸福。

有位云吞面大叔正勤奋地准备面条，他的老婆在旁帮忙打包。他们身边有个可爱的小女孩在静静地做功课，不时吵着爸爸妈妈要他们来看看她的功课。只见大叔边准备面条边对着小女孩说：“等下爸爸来看啊。。。”

云吞面大叔一家人可能不是很有钱，但是他们却很快乐。

幸福有时可以很简单，只要有心即可。

P/S: 以上情节是我昨天打包云吞面时所看到的。

The Book of Eli~

*The Book of Eli*

I happened to watch this movie with my colleague when I was in Ipoh last week. Although we had to ciaoz in the middle of the movie, it actually impacted me quite a bit.

The movie started with a ruined world, due to a nuclear war 30 years ago. The world has totally changed, what left was a bunch of mutated survivals who are willing to do anything to survive, this including to eat human flesh. They have become so mutated that their hands shake due to over eating of human flesh, drinking human blood, or simply, due to living under a nuclear-contaminated environment. Disgusting.

Eventually when I think about it. This story was based on bible study where Jesus has already predicted what will happen to us in the end of the day. We are not ruined by natural disasters or other catastrophic events, but we are all killed by our own hands. We created the war, we exploited our mother's natural resources, we contaminated our own home. If we die today, it is all because of us. No other reasons.

I would say this is a movie of reflection. In fact nowadays there are increasingly more and more movies with this kinda theme, natural disasters, the end of the world, a new world, etc. All of these bring the same message, that our earth is changing, slowly but noticeably.

Just be more observant and look around. Our world was used to be very peaceful a few decades ago, but now natural disasters are everywhere around us. Just 2009 alone, we are struck by earthquake, winter storm, flood, tsunami, wildfire, and many more. How many people died and how many lost their homes and loved ones? When everyone is focusing on saving the victims and how other countries tried to help, who actually see the other side of the picture? Who, who on Earth caused all these to happen? Can we blame our mother? Or we should point the finger to ourselves?

Besides, how about global warming? Can anyone feel the extremely hot weather nowadays? How about the exploitation of natural resources? How about population expansion? Do we have enough clean water and food and land to support this much of people? What happen when we do not have enough resources to keep everyone survive? I seriously cannot imagine.

As an individual, I dare not say that I have done alot for the environment. But I hope that at least all the people living on this planet, we have the courtesy to really think for our mother, to have the basic awareness of what is going to happen if we do not do anything right now.

Clock is ticking, earth is slowly evolving, don't ruin it with our hands. God bless.

Change~

Change is the only constant in life.

I guess this is very right. Recently there are a few changing of staffs in my company. Some of them have been working for the company for a couple of years, and the sudden decision to leave really gave me a shock. Some have been promoted, which I think it is something happy, because he deserves.

Somehow or rather I think changes always happen around us. Perhaps, my heart is slowly changing too. Who knows?

A night of reflection~

Attended a talk last night, all I can say is that it is inspirational. It was like a soul digger, force me to look into myself, think about what I have done for the past 24 years, and foresee what I am going to do for the coming future. A lot of reflection, I would say.

A nice night for sharing. I almost shed my tears when I thought about my family. All the while we have been in average relationship, with my dad especially, I always find it hard to communicate. Have you told your parents that you love them? For the past 24 years, I don't think I have said once I love you to them. Just feel it is awkward and uncomfortable.

Parents are important for me, that is why I care how much they see me. Hopefully before I registered for the training, I will have their full support. =)

真心离伤心最近~

有人说， 真心离伤心最近。

可能是吧。付出了全部的真心， 心已仿佛不再属于自己的。当伤害悄悄降临时，我们也只能落得个束手无策，毫无防备，也未能防备，最后只能任由伤害把心一刀一刀地切开。

有个冲动想要离开，想要保护我的心不想再受到伤害。因为过渡的伤害，剩下的只是一颗冷漠的心。失去了爱人的能力， 失去了相信别人的能力。但是心的另一角却劝我不要轻易放弃，只因真的爱着一个人，就不该轻言放弃。

站在红绿灯前，望着前方，我的心还是希望它能有青灯的时候，只因我还想牵着他的手，一同走向未来，如果有未来的话。

无力... 无奈~

有时放工回家，一身疲累。坐在电脑面前头脑一片空白。只希望明天是休假，至少可以小休一下，远离是是非非，远离现实。觉得人生有时真的很无奈，现实与梦想好像永远都分开。有人说努力是成功的方程式，但是努力的背后需要有多少的血汗，多少的时间，多少的心机？还要经过多少的失败，多少的沮丧，多少的眼泪，才能达到梦想？而且还要做多少违背自己的心，违背良心的事情呢？

有些时候，当努力过了，但现实依然是现实，梦想依然是梦想的时候，那我们又该如何面对呢？乐观面对？接受事实？从新来过？这些都是易讲不易做的事。

现在的我，只觉得疲累。望着前方，什么都看不到。真的希望可以抛开一切，拿个旅行包包，一走了之。

P/S: 何时的我才可以过着无惧无忧的生活？