Not giving up~

*Not giving up yet*

Today's assessment was like a knife stabbed onto my egoistic heart, excruciatingly painful.

What my boss said is very true. I came in as a mirror rep, I have the tendency to live under the shadow of another person. I am fear of facing difficulties, I am comfortable with my comfort zone. I let the other person do the big thing, while I relax and chicken behind thinking that I can sail through smoothly.

I think I am a balloon. Continuously pumping myself with air without knowing that one day it may burst. The first impression is always impressive, because I have a shiny appearance that can hide the inner me. I acted as if I can, and I am capable to, but I know sometimes I can't.

Of course, how long can a balloon last if we keep feeding it with gas? It will burst one day, when the elasticity has reached its max. Thats me now. Left alone to handle a bigger port folio, suddenly I feel that I am helpless. I have almost nothing to prove to my boss that I can handle it as good as my predecessor. I have no confidence that I can do better than her.

Sigh~ There are a lot of times where I wanted to quit, telling myself that maybe I am not a sales material. But the other side of my heart is still fighting, they don't see the point of giving up so easily. I am easily panicked nowadays when I have to see important customers. The confidence level is low, or maybe more precisely my self-esteem is low. I am afraid that I am not tactful enough to say things in the correct way, which has been proven many times with all the troubles I have with my customers.

The remnants of my confidence, they are seemingly disappearing with time. But I know, I have a warrior in me. I will not give up. No! and Never! I know the situation is changing fast, so fast that I don't even have enough time to learn before the next Tsunami strikes. It is okay. I adapt to changes. I alter my approach. I learn, and I will prove to you, you and YOU as well as myself that I can.

I am not giving up. Not giving up. Not giving the bloody hell up!