Today was a sucky day.
Sometimes I don't know if this is the worst day of my life, because I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Let just say that today is one of those days where I feel like retreating myself to one corner and stay away from everyone I know. It is one of those days that I will wanna spend the time on my own, and heal my own wound.
Maybe I am too emotionally attached. Sometimes my heart throbs crazily while waiting to see a difficult doctor, or a doctor who I have not been seeing for ages. The feeling is as if I am meeting my long lost beloved person. It makes me nervous and anxious. Mentally I rehearsed my speech many times to find any possible mistakes, to perfect my lines of speech if possible. It is just anxious.
But sometimes even when I have done everything I can, things just don't go my way. People do not know about your situation, and even if they know, not everyone of them care to be bothered. It is fine actually, just that the overwhelming sense of disappointment is strong. So strong that sometimes I feel that there is a lump of tears stuck in my throat, trying to escape. Or maybe, I am trying too hard. Or maybe, this is just one of these days. Or maybe, I did not try hard enough.
Sometimes where there are too many question marks, they tend to drown me into the sea of questions. Like a tsunami coming so unexpectedly and yet lethal. Most of the time I am struggling from the waves of questions, to make sure that I am not drown yet. Not now, it is still too soon to give up. Just that the feelings of helplessness can be so strong sometimes, I feel like I am all alone, no one can actually provide me with solutions. No one is actually wise enough to show me the right way and right thing to do. Many said no one can help us in the end of the day, we have to depend on ourselves. It is a self-determination process. But I am just stuck in the middle of nowhere. I am lost. I need help. I really do.
Just when I thought the worst is over. Dad came back with a bad news. My E72 is now in the ICU, waiting for major operation. The phone's condition is severe, major short circuit due to water penetration. It is all because of me. I should hold full responsibility if in the end of the day, the phone cannot be saved. I am fine with it as well. I know it is my fault. Just that the feeling of losing it slumbered me. So many things, so many bad things, and I have to bear most of the responsibilities. Tiring.
Sometimes I wonder, for people like me who take things for granted, can I be a responsible wife and mother next time? Life is tough, sometimes it really does.
P/S: Life is tough, but I am not giving up yet.
Sometimes I don't know if this is the worst day of my life, because I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Let just say that today is one of those days where I feel like retreating myself to one corner and stay away from everyone I know. It is one of those days that I will wanna spend the time on my own, and heal my own wound.
Maybe I am too emotionally attached. Sometimes my heart throbs crazily while waiting to see a difficult doctor, or a doctor who I have not been seeing for ages. The feeling is as if I am meeting my long lost beloved person. It makes me nervous and anxious. Mentally I rehearsed my speech many times to find any possible mistakes, to perfect my lines of speech if possible. It is just anxious.
But sometimes even when I have done everything I can, things just don't go my way. People do not know about your situation, and even if they know, not everyone of them care to be bothered. It is fine actually, just that the overwhelming sense of disappointment is strong. So strong that sometimes I feel that there is a lump of tears stuck in my throat, trying to escape. Or maybe, I am trying too hard. Or maybe, this is just one of these days. Or maybe, I did not try hard enough.
Sometimes where there are too many question marks, they tend to drown me into the sea of questions. Like a tsunami coming so unexpectedly and yet lethal. Most of the time I am struggling from the waves of questions, to make sure that I am not drown yet. Not now, it is still too soon to give up. Just that the feelings of helplessness can be so strong sometimes, I feel like I am all alone, no one can actually provide me with solutions. No one is actually wise enough to show me the right way and right thing to do. Many said no one can help us in the end of the day, we have to depend on ourselves. It is a self-determination process. But I am just stuck in the middle of nowhere. I am lost. I need help. I really do.
Just when I thought the worst is over. Dad came back with a bad news. My E72 is now in the ICU, waiting for major operation. The phone's condition is severe, major short circuit due to water penetration. It is all because of me. I should hold full responsibility if in the end of the day, the phone cannot be saved. I am fine with it as well. I know it is my fault. Just that the feeling of losing it slumbered me. So many things, so many bad things, and I have to bear most of the responsibilities. Tiring.
Sometimes I wonder, for people like me who take things for granted, can I be a responsible wife and mother next time? Life is tough, sometimes it really does.
P/S: Life is tough, but I am not giving up yet.
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