When expectation becomes the devil~

Today someone knocked onto my car. I stared at him furiously and signaled him to stop. While he pretended to stop in front of my car, he suddenly zoomed off when I was about to step out of the car. Missed the chance to snap his car plate.

I slammed my car door and started to breathe heavily. Heart throbbing. My car was in the middle of the road. Not that I care thou. Grabbed my hand phone as I got a sudden urge to call my senior and said I couldn't be able to make it for the surgery (I was suppose to follow him to the surgery). Worst come to worst I just loss the job. I don't care. Just wanted to chase that stupid nut head. But he was damn far away and I don't know where did he go.

Suddenly tears were dropping. A mini breakdown. My heart was asking a thousand questions. If I could just slow down for a second, if I could just be more careful, if I could recognize the road better, if I could deal with stress better, if I could perform better... In the end I was not mad at the driver, but myself.

When I told my dad, he was telling me to take things easily. Nobody hopes to see accident happens, and if it does happen, we can only accept, fix it and move on. He asked me to relax and don't overstress myself. I cried once again. In fact he is right, I am setting a lot of expectations for myself. I have a set of criteria that define the success of life. That suffocates me and I ended up become more vulnerable than ever.

I remember reading a book called *Follow Your Heart* by Andrew Matthews. He said expectation is a form of driving force, very energetic. But too much can kill. He is right. I guess it is time for me to accept myself as who I am. No one is perfect. Just be a good enough person leading a happy life. I think that is what defines the success of life.

Oh by the way, of course I didn't quit the job. I still hold back all my emotions and stood in the clinic for 3 hours. Backache... =P